This week, Name Her Daddy podcast host Alex Cooper went viral for airing an anti-bachelorette-party take that appeared designed to upset high-maintenance brides in every single place. “If you’re the bitch that’s asking your fucking buddies to go to Greece in your bachelorette, knock it off—knock it the fuck off, okay?” Cooper stated on her present. “Until you might be paying for each fucking factor, you bought the aircraft, you bought the tickets, you bought the Airbnb…I don’t wish to go to Greece and need to take [time off] of labor…to go to your fucking bachelorette.”

I’ll be trustworthy: I don’t actually take heed to Name Her Daddy (my three podcasts of selection are Gender Reveal, You Should Bear in mind This, and sometimes How Lengthy Gone, if my boyfriend has it on), so I used to be as stunned as anybody to seek out myself utterly agreeing with each phrase of Cooper’s rant—even when she expressed herself a bit extra, ahem, colorfully than I might have. It’s definitely not information that weddings can create a variety of work and expense for company, however I’m really not a wedding-season hater. I like open bars, I like selecting out fancy little outfits, and, most of all, I like seeing my buddies joyful, so what’s to complain about?

Bachelorette events are a complete totally different animal. I haven’t really been to a ton of them, and that’s by design; once I get invited to a three-day weekend in Vegas or on a women journey to Nashville, a frisson of concern robotically shoots by way of me and I have a tendency to say no, irrespective of how a lot I really like the good friend internet hosting it. That is in all probability as a consequence of my latest two-year stint dwelling in Austin, which has develop into a nationwide capital of bachelorette events: By the point I left, I couldn’t go for a swim in Barton Springs with out having to duck a penis-shaped inflatable pool raft wielded by somebody’s drunk, pink-cowboy-hat-sporting marriage ceremony bestie. (That complete tradition is alienating to me, particularly as a queer particular person.) However all the identical, making your family members really feel particular earlier than they make one of many greatest commitments of their lives shouldn’t need to imply committing your money and time (two issues many people by no means appear to have sufficient of) to a grand bachelorette occasion, along with the marriage.

It’d sound egocentric to skip out on buddies’ pre-wedding festivities, however I might argue that it’s worse to go on a visit that you just (1) can’t afford and (2) would fairly skip. Until you’re an Oscar-worthy actor, your resentment might be going to develop into obvious to the bride-to-be—or to her different invitees—earlier than too lengthy, and also you’ll find yourself placing a damper on an occasion that you could possibly have averted by practising your boundary work and saying, “I sadly can’t make it, however how about I deal with you to a particular pre-wedding dinner the place we are able to gossip and catch up earlier than the large day?” (It is potential to be beneficiant with your mates with out shelling out for a four-digit ticket to Mykonos, in any case.)