Greetings on-line sleuths, true crime addicts, conspiracy theorists, and Swifites with an unnerving skill to smell out video Easter eggs, and welcome to day 60 of Britain’s Lacking Princess. The web is presently embroiled within the severely unserious enterprise of a princess’s “disappearance,” as Kate Middleton—she of marrying Prince William renown—hasn’t been seen since 2023’s annual Christmas Day stroll together with her in-line-to-the-throne offspring. 

The dearth of princess footage isn’t a lot of a shock. After Kate’s deliberate stomach surgical procedure in mid-January, Buckingham Palace introduced that “based mostly on the present medical recommendation, she is unlikely to return to public duties till after Easter.” We’re solely per week into Lent, Easter weekend nothing however a speck of silhouetted egg on the horizon, however hypothesis as to Kate’s whereabouts has been rife. And over the previous few days, the web’s proverbial rabbit gap has deepened, after Prince William added gas to the “The place’s Kate?” hearth by pulling out of studying at his godfather’s (Greece’s King Constantine II, natch) memorial service for ever-ominous “private causes.” 

Because the princess recoups at Adelaide Cottage, a lot of the (solely speculative) The place’s Kate? takes are outlandishly humorous. She’s recovering after donating a kidney to Charles in alternate for turning into queen. She’s nipped off to Miami for a delicate BBL. She’s moonlighting as an Oompa Loompa on the cursed Willy Wonka expertise. She’s rising out her bangs. She’s really Bansky. 

It could be simple for me to remind you {that a} well-known lady deserves the identical proper to convalescence as the remainder of us—that relaxation is critical, and privateness throughout this time is completely warranted. It could be simple for me to frivolously scold the joshing, to heart this column on Kate’s proper to post-op peace, and demand that you simply depart Kate alone! However I’m questioning how a lot severity there’s to this case. Is Kate in precise peril? Are the follow-on jokes significantly sinister? The Princess of Wales is the world’s most cared-for lady, and he or she’s within the most secure of fingers. Royalty itself ensures fiscal and bodily safety—certainly the 2 phrases everybody desires to listen to after their stomach surgical procedure are “royal doctor.” I don’t want Kate discomfort or hurt, in fact, however as a result of there’s no actual jeopardy, we’re all enjoying together with the ridiculous thought of her “disappearance.” The reality is, she’s precisely the place she’s meant to be, recovering at residence together with her household. The one change from our viewpoint is that she hasn’t been papped shortly.